Ahhh it's almost the ides of March, which might explain my bizarre weekend. I got up to New York late on Friday night and spent most of the evening at Charles' apartment drinking and catching up on old times. He wanted to go out to a bar, to take me out on the town, but I was tired from the trip and coerced him into staying home. Plus, going out in New York is so expensive and neither Charles nor I are very rich. I paid him for the laptop and spent a little time toying with it before going to bed.

Saturday afternoon I called ChI and took the subway and then crosstown bus over to her place. She looked great, though she said New York was slowly grating on her. I guess she's working at a gallery downtown and taking a few classes at NYU - she says she's doing okay as far as salary goes. Not living like she was in Virginia, but able to support her lifestyle just the same. We sat on her couch and drank coffee while she played with the cats.

At one point, completely impulsive, I leaned over and kissed her. She leaned into me hard and pushed me onto my back on the futon, nearly clipping my head on the metal armrest. We began slowly taking eachothers clothes off as the moment got more intense. Groping, kissing, nibbling, sucking, biting.... Then ChI stopped, looked me in the eyes and fell with her head against my chest. She said:

"I can't do it, Dean. I can't have another goodbye like in Virginia. This has to stop or I'll go crazy. I want you so fucking bad that every fiber screams when I can't touch you."

I caught a tear in her eye though I know she didn't want me to see. So we got up, dressed, and quietly played with the cat in the late afternoon before I left to go back to Charles'. Long, intense hugs goodbye - as if neither of us wanted to let go.

Steve called from his friends place in Washington Heights and said we'd be leaving in the early morning tomorrow. So I went to bed fairly early, dreaming of an erotic adventure with an asian girl. The dream was so vivid, I remember (even now) all the details of her face, her body, her sex, how she felt and how she touched... I think it was just a relapse of sexual frustration from the afternoon spent with ChI. I awoke at 5am incredibly aroused and wanting to go back to sleep to play with her more, but alas I had to ride back to Virginia with Steve.

Upon my return, singer-girl (who I suppose I should give a real name to her eventually) snapped me out of my frustration quickly and expertly - though I still can't get ChI's image from Sunday out of my head. It was touching.

Dean