No, I'm not dead - thanks for asking.

I've just been out of town for a few days. Singer girl finally caved in and spent the night on Sunday. We did little more than roll around in bed half naked, kissing and fondling. It was fantastic to be with her - I haven't felt this alive in bed with a woman since ChI left. She bit my lower lip and laughed into my mouth, my hands around her lower back and our bare skin pressed together tightly. We laughed most of the evening and early morning away playing like children pushing, pulling on pleasure impulses and reactions.

Our clothes strewn about the floor, her subtle lipstick smeared on my lips and neck, gentle perfume lingering in my bed in the morning when we awoke. We slept together nicely - my hand over her chest cupping her right breast as she slept on her back and me on my side. Me like a child curled up next to her...

I can't possibly hurt her, an idolized statuette of womanhood, though I am increasingly vulnerable against my best efforts. I'm really fighting this weakness I have for her - that turns me into a virginal 19 year old with a glint in his eye. She is younger than I am but plays me expertly - teasing me and leading me where she wants to go. Am I afraid of losing a certain control, that dominant male characteristic?

It's been a few days and I'm dying to see her again. The tables have turned on me with this girl - no longer am I drawing needy women to me, I have become a needy man! She brings out all the fire inside me and tames it with the look in her eyes.

Dean