I am so tired of ChI's bullshit it's not even funny. At this point I even forget why we got in this huge disagreement in the first place. She's given me the silent treatment for several days now and for what? I know exactly what she wants from me and I am sooo reluctant to give it to her. She wants attention. I am giving her attention here but she knows nothing of these writings.

She wants me to fawn over her, kiss her neck, fuck her, and adore her. I'm pretty happy being self-centered these past few days (oh c'mon Dean you're always self centered) and enjoying my solitude. Not getting laid is just a down side to what I need to do to keep myself happy. Plus, I'm confident that I could get action if I really wanted it from Gena so this isn't so much an issue. It's more my stubborness of not wanting to give into ChI. I just get so tired of this back and forth shit.

Tuesday is my night off so I spent it with Josh and Brandon, a few guys I played music with last year. They spent most of the evening just like in this old picture here - smoking pot and watching TRON. I smoked a little, though I rarely do, and it left me feeling sleepy and confused - not much in the mood for partying at all. After passing around joints all evening I'd had enough and decided to walk home fairly stoned and call it a night. When I got home I called Gena in a confused state and asked if she wanted to come over.

You know how sometimes you just get a desire for warmth when you're high? I wanted to curl up with someone so badly that I called Gena because I knew she would come over. I'm not going to lie and say I don't know what I was thinking because I know exactly what the hell I was thinking.

I was lieing on top of my bed when she walked in. She sat down next to me, leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I reciprocated by putting my arms around her and kissing her as sensually as I could handle. Before I knew it we were both lieing down and clothes were gradually taken off into a heap on the floor. God she was beautiful naked, I was stunned. Her warmth just surrounded me in a field of bliss - our naked bodies pressed and writhing together. We didn't have sex, we just sort of kissed and cuddled and climbed all over eachother for hours. It was possibly one of the most sensually exciting times I have ever had with a woman without actually having sex.

And it was just what we both needed.

Dean