Ahhhhhhhh the pleasures that a blissful night of rest and an evening alone afford me. I worked on this website for quite a while this evening, fiddling with the colors for ages before I finally got them right. Am I going for a pumpkin theme here or what? I recieved an unexpected email from the woman who runs the blkLstd webring saying she accepted my application. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I applied a little while ago and she said my site wasn't quite what she was looking for. Now it seems I am in line again, though not by my own submission. I'm always looking to be a part of something, this is just another social foray I suppose - out into the digital media.

I stayed at home and wrote for a good portion of the evening. I had several unexpected visitors even, which never happens! My place is so small and relatively uninviting that I seldom get people who just stop by to say hi. Steve and I hung out for a little while and discussed the WTO crisis in Seattle while we drank the last quarter of a good bottle of whiskey he had brought over. That was really fun - just sitting on the floor smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey with soft-spoken but amazingly intelligent Steve.

Gena stopped by soon after Steve left and hung out with me for a little while as I organized some of my writing papers on the floor. I think she likes me and although she's really cute it's a little intolerable. All I really wanted was to get some work done tonight. I didn't want to have to think about girls. Still no word from ChI, and her not calling me is almost as maddening as seeing her around all day!

Gena is great though, I'd love to roll around with her if it wasn't for the fact that I wouldn't want to deal with her afterwards. Things change with women once you've had sex or even gotten intimate. My little innocent flirting friendship with Gena is nice but I know that if we had sex I wouldn't be interested in her anymore. That innocence and mystery would disappear in the post-coital afterglow and with the first awkward struggle at conversation, "Sooo...... that was really... ummmm... nice?" Then the requisite, "I like you." "I like you too." No kidding? I couldn't have figured that out by the way we were fucking eachothers brains out.

Goddamn! You'd think that after twenty-six years on this earth (and having dealt with women for a long time) I would be a little more mature than to think this way, right? I need my space. Anyone who invades it, I don't care if it's ChI even (who holds an elevated status with me as far as women are concerned), is going to feel Dean's adolescent backlash. It's just how I function.

Dean