I'm at work again and ChI was just here. [laugh] I kind of figured this would happen, that she'd stop by as soon as she got back in town. I guess she wasn't sure that I was working but she told me she figured I was working too much as usual. To get some privacy we sat in the office for an hour. I'm in charge tonight so it wasn't such a big deal as far as the bar went.

The conversation started with how New York was so stressful for her and how she missed her involvement with the people and art scene here. All of these things I knew but nodded my head as if I was hearing them for the first time. She put her arm around me and sat close, looking at me and touching my hair. It's still hard to resist her, it took every fiber inside me to not put my arm around her. I'm weak, and I portray myself so strong here. This one woman's touch can make me forget everything. I told her about singergirl and she said she knew - Jen and Steve had told her. I didn't relate the fact that we were practically living together, nor did I relate how much she meant to me.

After an hour of pleasant conversation and civil discussion, ChI left and I went back to work. I expect this wasn't the last of the 'conversations'. Tonight was just a test, a preliminary sparring match. I sense that there is a great more to come from this, and I still haven't quite accepted that she's back. Things are going to have to change between me and her - I'm not sure what the end result will be. I am on a fine line of wondering if this noncommittal friendship is even possible.

Dean