Often I neglect to notice the smaller things in my path which end up to develop into huge roadblocks after a short period of time. I am also aware of an image, now, that I have been portraying in these writings that may not be entirely honest. Several weeks ago, right after she came back actually, I kissed ChI. It wasn't so much a peck on the cheek, but it wasn't really tearing-the-clothes-off-in-passion type kiss either. It was sort of a I-really-want-to-kiss-you kiss, and not really anything more to me. The kiss was fantastic and as weird as it sounds may have even been a little closure to this awkward sexual tension between the two of us since we split so long ago.

The problem that arises is this: ChI has recently (yesterday) told Carly (I'm tired of calling her singergirl here, and I will now use her real name) that we kissed. At first Carly dismissed this as a ploy by ChI to widen the already significant rift between them. When Carly brought it up with me I didn't lie to her and said, "Yes I kissed ChI but it meant nothing, simply an actualization of sexual tension and nothing else happened." She seemed to understand, knowing the history between ChI and I, but she was still hurt. The issue was resolved after a few cups of coffee, some shouting, and only one broken glass (you should have seen the mess ChI made once after she found out that kleptogirl took advantage of me).

I can't help but feel like a jerk in this situation, but at the same time comfortable that I did the right thing. I think that the kiss with ChI was unavoidable, and my approach of honesty with Carly was the best way to handle it. I really should have told her after it happened, and I think that's what Carly is the most upset about. She has a right to wonder what else I haven't told her, but I assured her after several hours that there was nothing else.

There was no 'make up sex' as you may call it, she left and I sat on the front porch with a pack of cigarettes and my Firefly book of japanese haikus. Steve stopped by and we chatted on the porch, I related the events of my afternoon. Steve was sympathetic as always, though he pointed out in this situation (whether I felt like it or not) I was solely responsible for alienating Carly and needed to make sure she understood I knew this. As always he was right, and we smoked a few cigarettes together before he headed home.

Carrying the Dharma in my pockets I strolled in to work at the subrocket ten minutes late unnoticed. Camped out in the office I sent some emails and read some ridiculousness in the journalling community. My first publicized online attempt at writing erotica for the purpose of this silly 'journalers prom' thing will have to wait. My partner has given me a rain check. I am still accepting submissions however, there are few things more interesting to read than homemade erotica and ghost stories when I am at work - cramped into the subrocket office.

Dean